How often should I be visiting the gravesite?
It has been about a month since my father’s death. I have been visiting the grave site three or four times every week. Is this normal? Should I be going there this often?
Visiting the gravesite of a loved one expresses respect and honor for the deceased. It is a concrete way of showing – not necessarily to the deceased, but to the watching world and to yourself – that the memory of the loved one is not forgotten. It reinforces your own commitment to keeping that memory alive and vibrant in your life. There really isn’t a right or wrong answer for the number of times that one should visit.
Many traditions include customary visits to the cemetery and gravesite. Often close friends and family would attend with the grieving survivor to offer support and encouragement. It would be typical for such a visit to include some readings for comfort or some music. During the visit, one could help maintain the site by placing new flowers, cleaning around the headstone, or removing weeds.
Some traditions would also specify days when visiting the gravesite would not be appropriate. Check with an authority to clarify those customs.
If you are concerned about the amount of time you are spending at the gravesite, consider finding other meaningful activities to occupy your time and still show respect and concern for the deceased. Volunteering for a charity or organization that was meaningful to the deceased is one of many ways to honor the departed loved one.